My Life at 26 Years Old
- beh0011
- Jan 30, 2023
- 11 min read
Updated: Feb 10, 2023
In December 2022, I received my bachelor's degree in Sociology and Political Science. I never really thought I'd manage to get this far. At 18 years old, I would have never imagined it possible to possess a bachelor's degree with my name on it. I definitely aspired to reach this milestone since I was a child. However, after experiencing the world through my perspective of a low-income, racial minority, and as a woman, I became disheartened. There is a drastic difference in the mindset of 18-year-old me and 26-year-old me. I am grateful for all the ups and downs life has offered me because I viewed it all as a lesson. These lessons were hits that I could educate my future children on avoiding. Everything I did as a young adult had my future children in mind at all times. This might be a distinguishing factor that allowed me to overcome any difficulty and every circumstance. I was always striving to get over a challenging hump in hopes of finding an answer. Growing up isolated from most of society meant that I was always curious about what the actual world was like. My whole family, with perhaps a minor exception of my father, was not an active part of society. My mother did not work, and the children (me included) simply went to school and came back home. My father was very strict and controlling, so we were not allowed to any outings with friends after school. It would also be terribly inconvenient to sign up for extracurricular activities that usually cost money. As someone who strives to be the best mother she can possibly be, I was convinced that I needed to figure out the world as if it were a puzzle for the sake of my kids. I used to stress as a teenager about how I would explain XYZ to my kids if I had minimal experience in every aspect of my life. At 18, I did not know that I wasn't an active part of society because the rest of the world did not even register in my mind. I was so used to being home and focusing on familial issues within our four walls I forgot the rest of the world even existed. I did know I was terribly envious of people who were not in my situation. Growing up as a teenager, there was a lot of yelling and domestic violence which was very tormenting to my young mind. Although I insisted to myself that nothing could break me and make me fall off my path, I was wrong. Without even noticing it, I started skipping school in high school and smoking with a group of kids. I remember feeling immense pressure and insecurity freshman year of high school, so I would escape. I wasn't much into smoking but I definitely idolized nonconformity. I was really great at school, but I went down a slippery slope of not knowing what was going on in class. I could no longer complete coursework even if I wanted to. This would ultimately play a major blockade later on in my life. "Escaping" for two years of high school while evading disciplinary action dragged my GPA through the dirt. I didn't even realize I had a GPA to begin with. It wasn't until I was in my senior year of high school when my classmates were all applying to colleges and scholarships that I realized I messed up big time. At this time, I had dedicated myself to getting straight A's junior and senior year. However, it was too late to remedy the damage done prior to my newfound appreciation for education.
I summarize my journey up to now into three phases. When I was a kid and as a teenager, I was blindly optimistic about life in the U.S. I believed, whole-heartedly, in the rhetoric that democracy gives everyone an equal chance so long as you are an upright citizen. I did struggle to accept this fully because I knew this was not true for my parents who merely lacked legal citizenship. However, if the U.S. allowed me a chance to prosper financially, then it would even itself out because I'd be able to provide for my parents. When I started college at 18 and took my first sociology class, I began to have a polarized view of the world that was stubbornly pessimistic. My experience as a freshman in college introduced me to the real world beyond my hometown and my home. In the real world, there were differences in advantages and disadvantages. I was clearly fared, what felt like, the most disadvantages of all. Originally, I was registered as an astrophysics major which was a dream that was quickly crumbled within a year. I realized I was extremely unprepared and was not given any additional help to balance out the hoops I had to jump through just to attend class, let alone thrive in complicated topics at a level I was not familiar with. I had zero clue how the college system operated, so I was bound to fail. It felt like I was destined to be poor forever. My first sociology course solidified this toxic thought a couple lessons in. During my last two years of undergrad, however, I had learned to keep my head down and work ferociously. I worked as many jobs were necessary to provide my family with the upmost stability while going to school full time. I took the small wins life gave me and treasured them. I used them as reminders to myself that I was in control and I was not destined for failure. I definitely pulled from inspirational quotes, videos, and people to pave the path I am on today. Something that stuck with me was that I might be poor economically, but that does not mean I have to be poor in the mind. If I wanted to be successful, I had to think like a successful person. I had plenty of people close to me doubt me, but that did not mean I was going to give up on myself. I put extreme faith in myself because working long hours at a restaurant taught me that my work ethic is top tier.
Blind Optimism
As a child, I adopted a coping mechanism that taught me how to withstand most challenges life had to throw at me. I always had my future children in mind. I was brought up catholic and had the fear of God instilled in me at a very young age. My mother had taught me that suicide is one of the greatest sins you could commit. So, death by self because of hard times was not a viable option ever, in my young mind. Also, whenever the thought of disappearing came to mind, I always remembered I had a future family to look forward to. I wanted to get past a difficult time or a challenge so my future kids could be proud of me in the future. I imagined myself telling them stories of my youth in our big comfortable home during dinner. When my mother was struggling financially and I could only have the bare minimum, I knew I wanted to give my kids a better life. This is the reason I haven't had kids now. I have a weird immense love for kids I don't even have yet because, in my head, I've been planning to build a formidable empire. In experiencing disadvantages, I've been able to have a glimpse where my kids will not be struggling for information. Through experiencing poverty as a kid, I theorized that money would solve all our problems. Even though I was taught to be grateful for everything we had, even things that were not quantifiable in monetary value, I knew we needed a lot of money. As a kid, getting rich was a straight shot. All I had to do was stick to school and stray away from drugs. The equation in my head was quite simple and it definitely gave me hope when it seemed like I shouldn't have had any. I believed in myself and my country whole-heartedly. Younger me also believed everyone wanted good for me, so long as they were not a criminal.
Pessimism and My First Love
When I started college, I was so angry at the world. I spent the last two years of high school trying to remedy my terrible attendance and maintain straight A's just to realize it was futile. The lack of knowing makes me so angry to this day. I was angry at the entire school system and my specific teachers who never mentioned to me how important a GPA was. Had I known what was at stake when I was making dumb decisions, I would have taken school much more seriously. I felt like I was a good person, a good student, deserving of a chance to prove myself academically but I was not being given that chance because of ignorant choices I made at 15 . My transcript translated to a student who is irresponsible and undeserving of any opportunity whatsoever. I did not qualify for any major scholarships but I did get lucky enough to be admitted into a good (expensive) university in my town. In an academic institution, grades are everything. All things considered, if it is not everything, it definitely constitutes a major part of what being a "good" student is. Bad grades translate to a lack in strategy, dedication, time management skills, seriousness, and maturity. This was one of the first and major systemic barriers I've encountered in my life. My transcript, after failing most of my classes the first year of college, did not highlight all the good qualities I possessed and had to offer. My transcript did not account for all the blockades I kept pushing through in my life. After experiencing high school and my first year of college, I was extremely pessimistic about being successful and I lost faith in my country. When I sensed that people doubted me and looked at me like someone to be sorry for, I didn't blame them. I started believing I would not be able to finish college either. Finishing college started to feel like a dying dream. Much of this negative thinking was solidified by my boyfriend at the time. When I started college, I met a boy in one of my classes who was also a physics major. After a year, we started dating and it turned into a toxic cycle that would last 4 years. I don't think anything in life shook me like the the first time I got my heart broken.
I remember living in his shadow throughout the rest of his undergraduate career at the university. I saw him flourish and do so good academically and socially. He definitely stood out as a physics student. I admired him all around, although I was never vocal about it. While I filled my head idolizing this boy, he spent our time picking me apart. We were from different worlds. I was extremely poor and he was probably upper-middle class without a need to work while he finished school. Our worlds began to clash when our moral compass and outlook on life differentiated. We grew very dependent on each other in the most toxic way possible. We could not get too close to each other because we were like water and oil. But, we could not stay apart from each other either. We passionately loved each other but we also passionately hated each other. When we were alone and detached from the world, everything was perfect. However, when our relationship touched the outside world, it would derail. We both knew it would not work long term at all. When we decided to see this fact was different for the both of us, but we held onto it for as long as we could. We grew used to begging each other for attention and begging for each other back. I didn't fully let go of the relationship until I was 24 years old. It was traumatic to romanticize someone who hates you. I'm sure he feels the same way about me now. After grappling with where the relationship went wrong, I realized it wasn't a specific incident. It wasn't that I didn't love him enough or I wasn't doing something right. I was just simply giving my all to the wrong person. I never learned to value myself as a partner, therefore I never considered to set boundaries and clear lines while dating. In my head, it was common sense to be a "ride or die" for someone you're a) in love with and b) you're being "intimate" with. In my ignorant mind, I believed it was innate nature and universal to reciprocate my type of love. However, I learned the hard way that love is a subjective phenomenon.
One good thing that resulted from experiencing such a traumatic love was that I took that same admiration for him and projected it back to me. As much as I believed in his success, I began to believe in mine. Part of why I focused so hard on graduating was because a part of me wanted to prove him wrong. I also realized I had no choice but to do good academically since I viewed it as my only viable way out of poverty. From spending so much time with a start student, I picked up on some of his profitable habits. He was the first and only person that showed me how to save money and hone down on an assignment without being distracted. He also taught me how important it is to have a designated place and time to work. Most importantly, he made me realize how evolutionary it is to have stability in all areas of your life. His drive to maintain stability and gain more free time to focus on what he truly loved stuck with me.
The failure of my first love paved the way for many more blessings. After feeling a whole new level of hurt, I began to soften my heart for all people. I became more genuinely compassionate towards strangers. Although I had to continue life without the man I fell in love with, I was grateful I'd be able to find a much kinder and loving husband in the future. I had changed my major to sociology and began prospering academically. I grew a lot more financially stable and was able to work less hours so I could focus more on school. I grew incomprehensibly optimistic and grateful. I looked past my stress and exhaustion and couldn't help but smile. My future began looking brighter, more opportunities emerged as my GPA rose and as my professors got to know me. I will never forget the sociology professor that believed in me when my undergraduate career was at its lowest. He became a valuable mentor for me throughout the rest of my undergraduate career. I could count on him for any reference letter because he got to know me as a person in supplement to also knowing my transcript record. If anybody is experiencing this type of unfortunate events in attempts to complete their post-secondary education, I hope you cross paths with a valuable mentor like I did. He definitely made an impactful shift in the trajectory of my life after I crossed paths with him. Sometimes it just takes one person to genuinely believe in you to erase all the doubt in your mind. This professor did that for me.
Chapter 26
Today, I work for my city's public school system and I view it as a first step that gets my foot in the door of many more opportunities as a post-graduate. Spending real time with today's youth also brings me an unexplainable elation. Working with children definitely feels like a calling for me, however I would like to provide them with long-term positive changes. I plan on continuing my studies by pursuing a master's degree in public policy later this year. I was finally able to quit working in the food industry which I am extremely proud about. Working a low sector job taught me many valuable lessons and it allowed me to observe human behavior up close. Having more time to focus on planning my life is a luxury I never thought I'd have. Time is an invaluable asset and I hope I made you realize how precious it is to maintain and attain. In the foreseeable future, I want to write an autobiography on my life to help inspire the youth who resonate with my story and feel like they have lost hope. I would also like to provide others with a lens that lets them experience the U.S. through a perspective like mine. Although I am not rich, I have gained something much more valuable than money: peace. I am continuously learning to stand up for myself, set boundaries, and have healthy limits for myself. I've grown comfortable with taking time off without feeling guilty. I can now also recognize when someone is simply projecting their insecurities and their responsibilities onto me. In conclusion, hard work does pay off and I hope to make an impact in people's lives along my path to aspirational achievements.
Comments